A Year of Gratitude

This past year has been, to say the least, rough. We've had debt up to our eyeballs, two small kids, a cross country move, moving in with family, news of an unexpected pregnancy, followed by a miscarriage, a new job, extended days of travel for my husband and most recently holidays away from my family for the third time ever.

Tonight, I'm sitting in my in-laws living room while my hubby is three hours away working out of town for all of this week. Ending in his birthday, on which he will hopefully be able to leave early enough to be home for dinner. Tonight is the first major holiday we've been apart since we met. But at least we had him home for Christmas.

All of these things, along with the issues, mostly of a particularly bright and precocious four year old have not made much easy.

I have spent many days feeling alone, sad and pretty awful about myself.

All of that said, I want next year to be different. I'm not a New Years Resolution kind of girl. I do believe in constantly improving myself however. And while we've actually had many good times, smiles and happy memories this year there's been something missing. While things are improving, it often feels like it's getting worse. Mostly, positive movement is just slow and it takes patience. 

Patience, we believe is our big lesson right now. Our big message we're trying to listen to right now. Have patience and slowly but surely you'll see yourself where you've been trying to go.

To help us get there, gratitude. This is the big plan for the next year, gratitude to save us from our own bad attitudes.

Stick around, see how it goes.

The Greatest Birth Story {Birth Story Wednesday's}

Sometime around 2050 years ago a young woman, 9 months pregnant took a long horse back trip across her country.

When she met her final destination lo and behold she was in labor. Big surprise there! Almost every other birth story I hear starts with somebody going for a "long bumpy ride" to induce labor. Is this where that idea comes from? Or is it just another clue to how a woman's body really works? Right in the Christmas story? 

We all know how the story continues, we're very aware, especially today, Christmas Eve. 

There's no room at the inn, the couple is sent to the barn and the baby is born, swaddled and placed in the manger. 

I love this story not only for the joy and hope and love it brings at this happy (sometimes stressful) time of year, but also how normal birth is here, simply part of the Greatest Story Ever Told (that movie was on last weekend). 

But really, Mary arrives in Bethlehem, tired and sore, oh so sore, from travel. Most likely already in labor. She finds the warmest, most comfortable place possible in some clean hay in the corner of a barn and with just herself and the assistance of her betrothed, Joseph, the strong and silent birth partner, she gives birth to a little boy. 

Any mother can tell you how perfect that baby is too, even if he wasn't the son of God. A perfect little bundle to snuggle and love and stare at. Where moments before there was pain and a sense of defeat that most women feel near the end, where she felt as if she could go no further, suddenly there was pure joy and accomplishment. She did it! She and her body, did it.

And it was normal, and happy. Just as birth should be.

We don't really know, but that's how I like to think of it. 

Merry Christmas!

You get what you need when you need it

Lately I've been trying to fill up my life with events, schedules and plans. It's fair to say that while I'm definitely not at the bottom of some kind of pit, I also am not in the happiest place in my life. 

A counselor I saw once said I'm a creative person. This took me by total surprise, "Me, creative? I'm not artist, or even really crafty." Things I do and make don't usually look pretty or nice. Not even the bed, or when I fold towels. But what she meant is I create, create groups, friendships, relationships, projects. I start things. I start therefore I create. It changed the way I look at myself.

And when I'm stressed I turn to that, I start creating. Right now it's mom's groups (2 in the past month) and this blog. 

One of the said groups was supposed to have a cookie exchange tonight. One of the friends I've made here graciously offered her house since I live with my inlaws. We invited all the moms we know, even had some real interest and a couple RSVPs. It was shaping up to be a fun night of coffee and snacks and chit chat. And I was hoping a foundation for many friendships and maybe a solid new moms group.

Nobody showed up.

Not a single person.

So we ate cookies, drank coffee, talked and then went shoe shopping. I bought boots and flats for under $50! Whoo hoo!

Now, while that isn't a terrible exciting story it does have a point. While I was busy creating and planning how to feel better I was given something else. A true personal connection with a friend. 

I was given what I needed. A friend. I wanted big fancy party where everyone talked about how good my cookie was and wanted to join and be part of my new group I had created. What I was given was so much better. In a place that feels pretty empty I was handed a connection, not just another bunch of half-way there acquaintances but a line of support and love. 

Do you have any stories about how you were given just what you needed at the right time? Whether you knew you needed it or not?

Wednesday's

It was a quiet night. I was going to sit down and write about the relaxing, laid back evening I was having with sleeping children in beds and being the only one home and up. 

Then... Abigail woke up... 18 months of cuddly sweet love with a stuffy nose. Now asleep in my lap wearing her big brother's shirt.

On with the post: I've been thinking a lot since yesterday where I want to go with this little (2 post) blog.

First, I want it to keep going. I want it to go, for me. It's the one thing that is all about me right now, what I want and I like it! 

Second, I don't want it to be just about me. (I know, not what I just said) Having it be something people can connect to, that is helpful to others, that speaks to real humans, that they want the next post and time to read it.

Third and last, I want to learn. Learning to listen is the main goal, but we'll see where else I go on this journey.

But Wednesday's? Where are they going? Birth stories ... Oh I know... Collective groan: no more, not again! Or collective excited "gasp!" Birth junkies, I know you're out there.

Birth stories are the reason I started reading blogs. I wanted inspiration, instruction, affirmation... Just a friggin clue what was going to happen. So while this is not a birth blog (I leave that to the super stars like Mrs.Harsche), birth work is in my heart.

 I've asked many of my friends to share their stories with me and you. I plan to post a birth story every Wednesday. 

It's about moms learning to listen. Listen to their bodies, their babies and their hearts. No matter how they birth, feed or raise their babies it's about knowing yourself and that you are at peace with where and how you birth. Having insights from other's births and journeys helps women to accept, love and understand themselves and each other.

So, next week, look for my first birth story post :) and oh yeah! Have one you want to share? E-mail me! 

Listening is not easy

I've been planning this blog for sometime now. The idea first came three or four years old. Just after Jonah, my first child, was born. But I didn't do it.

Then I sold cosmetics and babysat and started a moms group and  had a little girl. But I didn't start my blog.

Then I moved across the country, in with my inlaws, planned my blog (posts and all), opened my heart and mind, tried selling some bags, started two moms groups and tried homeschooling. But I still didn't start this blog.

Until today... I've had the nagging in my head, from myself to open this up, to start something new, to build, to create, to work, but I kept telling myself no.

No time, no money, no sleep, no ideas, no interest.

Today I say yes. Today all signs point to go. Today I listen.